I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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