if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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