i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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