My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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