Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
