I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
