He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize