I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
