FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
someone owes me an orgasm
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
