I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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