Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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