I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
