Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
