I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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