Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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