someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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