They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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