god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think people are normalizing furries
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
