I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
