Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
please don't ironically join a cult
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