Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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