She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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