she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
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You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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