I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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