I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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