i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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