my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
