dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
