I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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