Dual....:-)
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I accidentally had phone sex last night
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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