dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
