I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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