so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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