somebody snuck up and got me drunk
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
