Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
