i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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