forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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