Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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