someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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