im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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