Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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