and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
