Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
