my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
