Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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