It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
