I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
