Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
