Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Holy sore nipples Batman
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
