dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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