honey bunches of taint.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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