I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
