So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
