If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
