i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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