So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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