Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
