Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
