You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
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I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
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She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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