I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
