How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
