apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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