Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
